Daughter of Oceanus

Nyad, age 64, completing her swim from Cuba to Florida, Andy Newman, AP, USA TODAY 9/2/2013

Themes week of 11/5–11/12

1. Things to throw away

2. Swimming

I have been thinking of throwing away troubling things. Such as certainty and disappointing face creams I've kept for far too long. I want to replace these with kindness, compassion, and a simpler face routine. 

I've been writing every day about swimming. Not because swimming fascinates me but because I started randomly to write about it on day 1. of my 21. day writing challenge and haven't switched lanes (yet). It's peculiar to write about something not particularly of personal interest. The writing becomes, in its own way, a breaststroke, lapping down the blue lines four pages a day. 

My pen scratches unsuspectingly about seaside swims, dips in overly chlorinated pools, wet wedgies, silver eels under the docks, and too-tight striped swim caps. And so I was surprised by the unnerving sorrow I dove into on Wednesday. There, wrapped in an oversized rainbow towel, was shame dripping raw with the ineptitude of my mothering. Not what I expected when I described a cannonball in the deep end.

As the week continued, I noticed the outside world shimmering with swimming. My son texted me that he was thinking of swimming as his winter sport, something he had never done before. Netflix suggested I watch a movie about long-form swimmers. A friend gave me a day at the spa and recommended the milieu of pools. This must be what manifestation is. What I have been seeing in my mind is moving to an external locus. 

I've said once before that we can learn everything we need to know about our place by studying the 12" square inches we stand on. This is true about ourselves, too. We could pick any subject from a hat and commit to learning about it, and in doing so, we would learn something new about ourselves in the process. 

Today, my writing led me down a surprising stream where I found myself researching water nymphs, which led to a namesake discovery. The Aurai, the nymphs of the breezes, daughters of Oceanus. A strike of gold!

Aurai, nymph goddess of the breeze

As I fold down today's practice pages, I consider what Vivian Gornick speaks about in her excellent book, 'The Situation and the Story.' She discusses the challenge of finding the story in the situation. Often, we recount situations that we think are stories, but they are only the story's circumstances. 

I have been writing snippets of personal history for almost ten years, seeking the story that gnaws my guts (is gnawing guts cliche? I could say gnawing my nuts instead). I was relieved to read about an author in Gornick's book who wrote his short memoir in thirty gnawed nut years. I was relieved because I realized I am not off course. It's a long-distance swim requiring stick-with-it-ness. Repeatedly diving into the cold dark waters. Who knows, maybe my story will float like jetsam to the top of these daily pages?

Nyad, the champion female swimmer who swam over 52 hours straight between Florida and Cuba in her sixties, reminds us with her words on her website:

1. Never give up!

2. You are never too old to follow your dreams!

3. The win and work look solitary, but it's always a team!

But one time, Nyad also thought about throwing things away. Failing her oceanic quest after a third heroic attempt Nyad threw away all her swimming gear. She did this on Monday; her garbage was collected on Fridays. Thursday she fished back out her suits, caps and goggles.

PS. Go team go, 21-day 21+ min writing crew!!!