Guess what? I started a new writing practice this past week. One I imagined as a solution to the rising tension of feeling the desire to write and the mounting pressure of a backlog of ideas not landing in a designated space and time in my weekly schedule. Yes, in theory, I keep Fridays open for writing. But, each week, that day becomes embattled with family, work, and personal needs. I’m unable to lasso those hours for solitude. Not because I am weak, despite inner voices shouting such, but because life is lifey.
As I pay more attention to financial management, I see a parallel to time management. For example, people (like myself) often wait to save or pay off debt because they aim for too big of an amount to start. Or people will focus only on paying off debt but not building savings simultaneously and therefore may continue to find themselves in debt--not because they were not budgeting and paying off debt but because they didn't have that rainy day fund for all the life things that were not accounted for in their budget. This is me in my weekly schedule. Life gets lifey and there go my writing hours.
A few weeks ago, I took inventory of this pattern. I determined I would wake up an hour earlier than usual to do one hour of writing before my son wakes and the frenzy of the day begins with me a'la Pee-wee Herman in my kitchen. I knew it would uncomfortable, so I considered how to woo myself into it. I imagined: How can I meet myself in the dark hours like a lover?
Answer: Sensual Beauty & Readiness
I determined to give myself a two week window to prepare to show up at my desk at 5:00 am. I was spurred towards cleaning my writing space, hanging art and ancestors on the wall, and lining up personal treasures and candles on the desk. I also knew I would need a tight plan to work within so I could simply show up and understand what to write without wandering in search of it. I wanted a tight outline to work within. I also wanted my French press prepped the night before, so all I had to do was press the button on my electric kettle and wait three minutes.
As the week advanced to the countdown, a new idea popped into my mind–"If you are the designer of your life, why are you giving what you love and desire the smallest amount of time in the most painful position of the day?" Good question! As I listened to this more, I began to feel its truth. I decided 5:00 am was silly; I only needed to allocate more time for my writing. However, I also saw I am engaged in other work and projects I created and care tremendously for. I would gravely endanger them if I suddenly said: "Well, starting next week, I will stop showing up, and also, no one else will either since I haven't shared my responsibilities with others.” Crash! Child loses parent. Organization loses its leader. So there I was last week, sitting with multiple truths.
I want to write more
I want the projects I created and currently care for to succeed
Life gets lifey
This thinking brought me back to the 5:00 am hour. I realized I am moving towards another picture, one in which I'm writing more. For now, it can only grow with consistency and small amounts of routine time. This is similar to the financial management reckoning I've recently had. Start small and be steady. As you go, a new picture will form.
Last weekend, I reconsidered the value of beginning to write Monday at 5:00 a.m. but lacked a plan—I was missing an outline. Should I still start on Monday? Sunday afternoon, while deleting old files from an antique and unused email linked to my domains, I stumbled upon my 2004 Creativity + Courage book outline, crafted after a 12-month Creativity & Courage fellowship I had just finished leading.
This is what I began filling in Monday at 5:00 am…