I bit their lip. Hard. Let's go!
Lying on my back, my shirt off, their body pressed into mine, their chest rising above me. I see emblazoned across my naked chest "WILD QUEEN" tattooed in the type of black script that covers the bodies of gang lords. Yes. They admire this permanent scrawl from neck to breast. I feel seen. Desire increasing. Heat increasing. A momentary decision to be made: do we do it? This lusty moment outside of my marriage. We fumble and then fall into a passionate choice that must be communicated later.
I woke up from this potent dream seeded during the solstice eve. My son says nothing is more boring than someone telling you their dreams because they make no sense. He may be right.
But everything about this dream makes sense to me. It is an invitation to say yes to my deepest desire, or the erotic, as Audre Lord would say.
The day after this sexy night, I wondered in my woken state about the relevancy of intimacy outside of the boundaries of a monogamous marriage. I saw in the dream that marriage represents transactional relationships that provide security. The intoxicating carnal pleasure and desire represent a union between oneself and one's calling, the erotic touching of one's muse or creativity. It doesn't get sexier than that deep wellspring of joy you tap when you are doing what you want to be doing and being who you want to be—for yourself and no one else. That's freedom here on earth and a little of heaven's euphoria. However, we often fear saying yes to our desires and pleasures. We don't trust our joy. We don't know if we can safely follow our calling outside prescribed pathways.
In the past month, the concept of desire has been weaving its way into my conversations. I hang with women mostly, and many of us are challenged by particular vocabulary.
Desire
Pleasure
Erotic
Passion
These words have methodically been corrupted and twisted, disallowing women to identify with them. Many women have been conditioned to be afraid and disgusted by these words, myself included. This is a strategic, cruel, and vicious act of disempowerment.
I've been a victim of hating the word pleasure. The word made me cringe because I understood it tied to an expectation to make others (men) come and that I was supposed to have a secondary physical response to their satisfaction, and this was what pleasure meant. However, a few years ago, I began poking at this uncomfortable word, wondering if there was a relationship between joy and pleasure. I began to take an inventory of my sensory delights and recognized they were pleasure. In this way, I began decoupling the word from my subjection and instead matching it with my sensory joy. I experience pleasure smelling flowers at dusk, eating soft creamy cheese, wrapping my naked skin in cashmere, soaking for hours in salty water, dancing until I cry, listening to loud music when I drive alone in a car, molding clay, cooking curries and millions of more ways.
Something powerful begins to happen when we know what brings us pleasure. Desire for more of our pleasure happens! This is powerful because we reorient our attention and our resources towards our authenticity, our queer and unique joy. This disrupts the patriarchy, and it sure as fuck disrupts capitalism! Patriarchy and capitalism sell us our pleasure stories and, in this way, enslave us with beliefs and behaviors that continuously harm us. By not possessing our unique understanding of our pleasure, we work hard to earn money to buy things and live in ways that do not satisfy us. It's really that simple. But simple to understand does not mean easy to undo. Fear is our great foe in this entanglement.
My favorite poet and teacher, Rumi, says: Don't move the way fear makes you move, move the way love makes you move.
My dream had me grinding with passion and pleasure, which is how I want to move with love in 2024!
I want to share this inspiring clip of Audre Lord reading part of her essay on the erotic. Reclaiming your eroticism is an invitation to recall your pleasure as a radical act of empowerment. I dare us all to do so in 2024.
Last week, many of you responded with interest in playing more with purpose mapping, intention setting, and schedule crafting. I will offer a virtual workshop in January to share some of my navigational tools and discuss them together. Even though it will be virtual, I will limit the number of participants as it will be experiential, and I want to make sure everyone can share in dialogue together.
Healing work is creative work. It is heartwork which sounds like artwork. We can do some of this together. Join me January 19th from 2-4pm for Navigating Personal Purpose. All Sunday Circle subscribers receive 15% off with code SUNDAY15.