Dear Starlight,
I have too much to tell you.
The facts and feelings of the past few days are too many.
Note the list:
Bleeding Body
Emotional Activation
Car Accident
Exhaustion
Moody Weather
Powerlessness/Powerfullness
Work Relationships
Forgiveness
Four Chairs
Children's Tales & Illustrations
Nature Relations
Roses
Iceland
Husband's Birthday
Full Moon
Instead of trying to sort it all out, I'll start with what I'm doing later today.
I'm creating Remedy #6.
It's a personal prescription, a practice, a ritual, and a devotion. It supports forgiveness, boundaries, and heartiness.
It's a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual therapy for an old wound—the one where I quietly diminish my own self-directed creativity, accomplishments, and leadership.
Remedy #6 is for that.
This week(s), I've been circumstantially cracked open, erupting dormant molten emotions: anger, sadness, shame, confusion, fear, grief, and exhaustion.
Also, blood. My body joined in.
And then, the accident. No injuries to bodies but a dance of destruction and conflict. I feel powerlessness and powerfulness as I learn to communicate my needs with dignity in relationships with others.
And I'm noticing: the feelings have patterns, and the unmet needs have patterns, too.
So I'm making a remedy. Remedy #6. Because I learn by doing, the remedy is a set of activities. I'm also scared of the medicine. (Just saying)
Energetically I feel myself wanting to contract, like a child screwing up their face as a spoon of awful-tasting liquid is presented to them.
Rumi said the cure is in the pain.
I am staying with it, staying open to the cure…because I know that I don't need to hold onto anger as a reminder of trespasses anymore. I have the capacity to build and declare desires and boundaries, a skill I once lacked. Maybe one day I'll be a ninja boundary builder (picture gorgeous walls of roses).
Side note: If you are reading this and you are a black belt at forgiveness, please message me, as I could use some technique suggestions.