PS when I said your husband can’t understand you don’t trust him to keep you safe, of course I meant that that is not what you mean (it sounds like you do very much trust him as a partner) but rather that your fear is not about him, but something else entirely. Except since he is in the driver’s seat, he believes it is all about his abilities and intentions. No idea, I’m just imagining a possibility
I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing. It’s possible your husband can’t understand how you do not trust him to keep you safe and he is offended/wounded by your fear- maybe not even at a conscious level. Just a thought. It sounds hard to deal with PTSD because it is rooted in the real events of the past but then grows disproportionately in the present. This is some philosophical/metaphysical rabbit hole about when the real stops being real because it’s no longer in the present. But interesting to think about. Also, your body doesn’t engage in such philosophical questions - it just says “it’s happening again- that same thing. All systems go!” I have been designing and running groups for children who are living in domestic violence shelters. I try to provide them with ways to live in their bodies in the present moment, through movement, art-making, breathing. It’s not my role to work out all the details of their psychological stories with them, but I am there to ask, “where is your heart beat? What color is it?” Glad you made it to your destination, D.
I am putting my finger to my nose with your comment, as in, yes! I love your insight into the offensiveness of not being trusted—such a truism. Ay, all the ways we both hurt and heal in relationships…also the questions of “realness” and past and present…xoxo thank you for sharing your thoughtfulness
PS when I said your husband can’t understand you don’t trust him to keep you safe, of course I meant that that is not what you mean (it sounds like you do very much trust him as a partner) but rather that your fear is not about him, but something else entirely. Except since he is in the driver’s seat, he believes it is all about his abilities and intentions. No idea, I’m just imagining a possibility
I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing. It’s possible your husband can’t understand how you do not trust him to keep you safe and he is offended/wounded by your fear- maybe not even at a conscious level. Just a thought. It sounds hard to deal with PTSD because it is rooted in the real events of the past but then grows disproportionately in the present. This is some philosophical/metaphysical rabbit hole about when the real stops being real because it’s no longer in the present. But interesting to think about. Also, your body doesn’t engage in such philosophical questions - it just says “it’s happening again- that same thing. All systems go!” I have been designing and running groups for children who are living in domestic violence shelters. I try to provide them with ways to live in their bodies in the present moment, through movement, art-making, breathing. It’s not my role to work out all the details of their psychological stories with them, but I am there to ask, “where is your heart beat? What color is it?” Glad you made it to your destination, D.
I am putting my finger to my nose with your comment, as in, yes! I love your insight into the offensiveness of not being trusted—such a truism. Ay, all the ways we both hurt and heal in relationships…also the questions of “realness” and past and present…xoxo thank you for sharing your thoughtfulness