Invested in Pleasure

& community connection via daily delight

Dear Starlight,

Welcome to the New Year!

How are you feeling so far? What are you hoping to carry into this year—what are you ready to let go of?

I always find this season exciting, buoyed by the promise of fresh beginnings. On today’s walk, I felt a familiar tension: pride in sticking to my walking routine, yet a yearning for more adventurous paths. This is my eternal conundrum. Both directions require courage and intention: the discipline to stay rooted and the boldness to explore. How do we embrace change while remaining true to our essential selves?

It got me thinking: we're constantly becoming new, whether we try to or not. Our bodies regenerate themselves entirely over time:

• Skin: 2 weeks

• Blood: 4 months

• Fat: 10 years

Every decade, we’re physically a different person, even as we carry our history and identity. But often, the changes we focus on aren’t physical—they’re tied to behaviors or beliefs we want to shift and need our will to direct us unlike our bodies that follow a biological destiny. We tell ourselves things like: I want to spend less money or eat less sugar, or drink less alcohol. But before we cut back, we need to ask: What does this thing I want to give up, give me?

Take my own example: I’ve been telling myself I want to “spend less money.” It sounds on brand for the new year, but when I interrogate it, I realize it’s vague and meaningless. I don’t want to spend less money, what I want is to feel secure, to have the freedom to make significant future decisions, and to align my spending with my values. Those are specific, resonant goals.

Here’s a real-life dilemma: my daily flat white from the local coffee shop. At first, I thought cutting it out would be a reasonable way to save money and most people agree that fancy coffee is frivolous. But then I considered what this ritual gives me. It’s not just a cup of coffee—it’s nourishment, pleasure, and connection.

Every morning, I anticipate the perfect oat-milk soft foam and aroma of creamy espresso that’s not bitter. I look forward to cheerful exchanges with my barista and the little conversations with neighbors. “Your hair looks nice, did you do something different?” “I learned how to get stains out of silk.” “Did you hear about the fire at the neighbors last night?” “Have you tried the delicious new flavor of ice cream they are serving next door?” These moments bring me joy and ground me in my community. My money supports a local business and keeps people I admire thriving in our shared neighborhood.

I’ve decided: I refuse to feel guilty about this small luxury, it’s one I value, one I care about. Instead, I’ve reframed the question. It’s not about spending less money—it’s about spending carefully, thoughtfully, and in alignment with my values. If I want to save the coffee money I can eat more rice and beans and save the same amount on groceries. I love rice and beans!!!

In fact, spending money is wonderful when its purposeful. Spending well is powerful. Whether on art, experiences, food, or services, money can circulate to support people and causes we respect and love. This extends beyond finances. We spend our time, attention, knowledge, creativity, and energy every day. How can we spend our array of resources in ways that align with our deepest values?

For me, that means honoring my coffee ritual while reconsidering how I “spend” my time scrolling or worrying or replying to work emails into the night and weekend. For you, it might look completely different. Each of us has a unique set of needs, desires, and resources to navigate.

As we step into this new year, perhaps the question isn’t What should I cut back on? but What do I want to invest in—mindfully and joyfully?

I’m hoping some of you answer with “I’m invested in bringing back the high heel! Dashes of glitter, negligee’s, and Sunday Suppers.”