I have given myself the explanation of my winter solstice birth as the reason why summer (at least in my adult life) puts me in a defensive mood. Here she comes again, the life of the party, telling me to just RELAX already. “Aren’t you having a good time?!” she shouts at me over the loud music, screaming kids, sweat blurring our vision, my thighs rubbed raw where they meet. I don’t really want to tell her the truth. I don’t want to be a killjoy and I don’t really want to talk about it either. If I say, “No, not really,” will she’ ask, “Why not?!” I couldn’t possibly explain in a way she understands. She would laugh at my version of fun. Or maybe just shrug and walk away. So I just wait. I keep a drink in my hand so I blend in. I walk into the waves once or twice to see if I feel any different this year. This year’s summer made it easy to wish her gone- began with a flood and ended with COVID, in between a lot of work and very little play. Welcoming fall with open arms. Need the light a little lower to think straight. Need a (Jewish) new year to begin again.
Could relate to so much in this post. Beautiful writing, Dawn 💗
Thank you Melissa ❤️
I have given myself the explanation of my winter solstice birth as the reason why summer (at least in my adult life) puts me in a defensive mood. Here she comes again, the life of the party, telling me to just RELAX already. “Aren’t you having a good time?!” she shouts at me over the loud music, screaming kids, sweat blurring our vision, my thighs rubbed raw where they meet. I don’t really want to tell her the truth. I don’t want to be a killjoy and I don’t really want to talk about it either. If I say, “No, not really,” will she’ ask, “Why not?!” I couldn’t possibly explain in a way she understands. She would laugh at my version of fun. Or maybe just shrug and walk away. So I just wait. I keep a drink in my hand so I blend in. I walk into the waves once or twice to see if I feel any different this year. This year’s summer made it easy to wish her gone- began with a flood and ended with COVID, in between a lot of work and very little play. Welcoming fall with open arms. Need the light a little lower to think straight. Need a (Jewish) new year to begin again.